Bad luck or...

Bad luck does pile up one after another I guess. Firstly, I fall sick yesterday with mild fever and flu. Hardly slept and was rushing for assginment, finally completed and went to submit earlier today. Shit things does happen, again, I guess.

I accidentally dented and tored my assignment artwork, thus couldn't submit to my lecturer. I tried to find the lecturer but couldn't find her, and the only option was for me to e-mail to her informing her about my misfortune and hope she would accept my work tomorrow with minimal penalty since I can't complete the work today for sure due to my other commitment in an orphanage for social work for another subject.

Time was running out, and I had no choice but to take a taxi since bright sky turned into dark clouds and that signals rain is near. Wasted lots of time asking a number of taxis, either they are not going to Ampang area or they wanna burn a hole in my pocket. Finally got a taxi which is willing to go, but ffs, he went around a big turn and the whole ride lasted 1 hour plus and yea, rm30+ as well. Oh well...

Finally finished what we were required in the orphanage, came back home and I felt I had a higher degree of fever. Hopefully I can stay healthy in this important period of the semester.

Benny 0-1 HELP

Study life

Third week is ending soon and life will get very busy after this since we will be having mid-term exams next week followed by few assignments which will be due quite near with one other. It will be interesting to see how I easily overcome all these easy stuffs can "do or die" in this semester.

I will try my best and hopefully I'm "discipline" to maintain a good momentum in my studies. Good luck to everyone else and remember not to stress too much. Balancing the time to have fun and study hard is important so gambateh bah!

Wonders of Life

Many of my friends had been facing with life problems lately. It had been a pretty bad period in the last 2 months since I heard nothing but bad news. All I can do is to wish them all the best and to be there for them and lend all my money and body a listening ear to their problems.

Even though life is full of suffering, it is also filled with many wonders. Good and bad things in life is like fibers in a rope that was braided together. If the black fiber refers to bad luck, then the whiter fiber would represent good luck. As you can see, both luck interchange with one another. As such, even though bad things do happen to everyone, but if we keep believing and be positive in any circumstances, good luck will eventually arrive. Always remember that the rainbow appears after a stormy rain and sun will rise after a night of darkness.

So to all my friends, remember to be optimistic. Life is full of wonders, and it is up to us to search for it. In order to find your own wonders, you must first be able to stand back on your feet after every bad experience.

All the best to all!

Meeting with a friend

It is always good to meet up with a good friend that you didn't see for like, errr... kinda forgotten how long but it should be around 8 months when both of us are staying only like 30 minutes away by driving... Life is weird I guess, but I was very happy to meet up with her today.

Went to buy movie tickets, and we both wanted to watch Ironman but there were only seats very near to the big screen available. As she wanted to watch Indiana Jones, I just take the decision and rewatch the movie, lmao this is the second time I watched it in the space of two days! She felt rather uncomfortable for me to rewatch the movie but most important she liked it cos I didn't manage to celebrate her birthday with her last Wednesday.

We went to Sungai Wang to take lunch, and then went back to Times Square for our movie. Luckily it was a nice movie, or else I would be doozing in the cinema since I only slept like 5 hours the previous day.

After the movie, we both went to the Book Fair in KL Convention Centre, and it was really crowded with people. Didn't manage to browse through in details since I'm afraid my friend might be bored, and I ended up only buying an English-Chinese dictionary for RM28 for me to learn some Chinese.

We went to Jalan Alor or how you spelt it near BB Plaza for dinner where the whole street is selling foods. Ordered quite some stuff and both of us ate quite alot and gained even more weight :(

She was nice enough to drive me home, and I am really glad to meet up with a close friend whom I didn't meet for so long. Thanks for the nice outing...

Movie Festival

Attended HELP Psychology Dept.'s movie festival today and watched a movie titled "Joe Somebody". The movie itself wasn't anything spectacular, but it carries some messages which were quite meaningful.

What's more important when you're in an hostility situation with another person? To beat the crap out of him physically or to let him beat the hell out of you win over his heart and respect? The protagonist chooses the latter option, and he make up with the bully in the end. Respect is not something which you can demand from others, but its something that others gave to you willingly.

Another message was that some people are trying way too hard to be somebody without realizing they are unique in their own ways, and while some people might not appreciate such uniqueness and criticize that person, but those who knows how to appreciate will certainly value that person's character, and this is much more important than any other views from others that can't appreciate you rite?

As such, conformity can be bad at times and it could cause us to lose the unique self in us. I always believe that people who appreciate you will respect you more when you're trying to be yourself, but in a good way of cos.

Self-handicapping and egos

Self-handicapping is a strategy by a person that purposely sabotage their actions (self-reported or behavior wise) in order to protect or increase their self-esteem. Dr. Goh just taught about this earlier today and I just realized how much I've use it without me knowing what it was called haha... I was some sort of sore loser in the past and yeah, I don't accept defeat in good grace at times unless it's by someone i deemed worthy.

I carried this weakness with me for quite sometime and it restricted me from trying out on many things due to me wanting to protect my stupid self-esteem, pride and ego, I guess. Guy's ego again... Few days ago, me and a college mate just talked about how guys are full of pride and egoistic and me, being a guy myself have to agree with her. I told her on how guys, well some guys, are stupid enough to value their pride over other things and how pride and ego had stagnant and restrict some guys' growth in this ever competive world.

Many guys (I didn't say all) still assume that evolutionary theory is applicable in all setting or women still need a guy to protect them all the time and provide them their needs such as sex money etc... Many guys still think its the Medival era where they still hold control over women (which we can see why many idiots are still trying to control their gf, even on where they are going) which is totally crazy!!!

Wake up guys, it's the 21st century now and women and men are standing side by side. Aside from few natural differences, women certainly can achieve what men can do in many other areas such as education, workforce etc... In fact women had been catching up in terms of corporate ladder (do you even know that the top 3 Malaysia MSC companies' CEO position is held by women?) and education...

Anyway back to self-handicapping, so yea, I'm trying to change my weakness on that part and I hope to be more transparent with myself as well with others. I did learn that in order to improve, one needs to have the courage to try even when odds are against you. There can be 100 ways to discourage you from trying out a particular thing, but you only need 1 moment of courage to try something out, and that 1 moment could be the hardest to find.

I'm still learning...

A tag

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Can't say either yes or no. I, for one believed that it takes time for people to understand one another first before a special relationship is developed. But on another hand, I also believed that there is a special chemistry that can bring two people together the moment they met and this chemistry does helps to spark their relationship. But only time will tell whether such relationship can develop further into another level.

2. Have you ever felt stupid? Why?

I did feel stupid whenever I reflect back on some mistakes which I've committed in the past. But no one is perfect in this world, and mistakes are the stepping stones in developing a human into a better person.

3. Where is the place you want to go the most?

I love nature a lot, and thus I hope to go to places which has yet to be polluted by human civilization (beaches comes into mind).

4. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?

Everyone around me is healthy and happy, for those are things are priceless and money can't purchase.

5. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?

Please refer to your primary school science book, thx!

6. Do you like being who you are today?

Yup. What more can I ask when I'm so much luckier than so many out there.

7. If you win $1million, what would you do?

I don't gamble except on Chinese New Year, so I don't think I will live to see that day. But if that day does come, I will save it cos I never think before of what I should do with it.

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?

Yup, it's better to try then to regret for not trying. If that person chooses to avoid you afterwards, then too bad...

9. Are you taken up?

Nope, single and available rite now. Anyone wants anot? haha...

10. What are the requirements you wish from your other half?

No specific requirements. I feel that when you’re in love, you will learn to accept the person as how they are regardless of look, characteristic, etc!

11. Pride is very important to most people. What about you?

Its not about how much pride that brings out a person... Its about how much pride a person can forsake to realise & admit to his/her mistake.

12. Which do you prefer from your other half? Hug or kiss?

Depends on the atmosphere i guess, but either one is good.

13. If you have your faults, would you rather people point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?

I would like people to tell me out without hiding anything.

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?

Those that I care and love.

15. Are you a shopaholic or not?

No money to shop wor? How le?

16. What kind of electronic/gadget you own that you like the most?

My desktop I guess.

17. If you would like to change, which part of your character you would like to change?

Hope to be more discipline in my life haha!

18. What makes you feel disappointed?

Humans that never hesitate to harm one another for their own benefit.

19. If given a chance, would you like to see your future?

Nope. I believe a person shouldn't be controlled by their so called 'destiny', but to conquer them instead.

20. Have you ever done anything that has made you regret for life?

Only time will tell...

Loving yourself

I've got afflicted with depression one way or another in the past 2 months and lost something i treasured a lot. There are many causes to depression, and one of it would be a person being too pessimistic or negative about themselves in many aspects ranges from physical attractiveness to personal worth in their daily life. In short, most depressed people do not feel loved by others around them and more importantly, they do not loved themselves enough!

Too many of us spent too much time waiting to find our true love or our 'other halves' and hoping that special person will fill our life with loves. However, life is not only about finding your prince charming or dream princess, but also on believing your own worth in this world and loving yourself is one of the most basic steps to create love in a person's life.

There should always be a balance between loving oneself and loving others, and thus, my friends, always remember to reserve love for yourself. Always believe you can make a difference to those around you and feel proud of who you are cos everyone is special in their own ways.

That, to me, is the true meaning of love.

What happened when you tried too hard?

Me and a friend were locked in a debate earlier regarding the difference between trying and trying too hard to do something. I believed different people had different perception on this matter, but I would like to use an illustration to explain my thoughts.

Imagine in a wushu competition where 2 participants (consider that each has the maximum fighting capabilities of 10 as example) are competing with one another. Normal humans tend to hold back some of their power and never use their full fighting capability to be in the safe zone (let us consider its 8 out of 10 fighting capability here) in order to protect themselves physically and not to overharm their opponent.

Thus, when both participants are using fighting capabilities anywhere from 1-8, they are considered fighting with one another and "trying" to win the match since they are still holding their power to protect themselves and not to over-injured their opponent. But when one participant starts to use a fighting capability between 9-10 which is out of the safe zone, they are no longer considered fighting, but its killing one another instead since they are going all out to finish off one another without any form of control or holding back.

I believed many people had heard rumours about how insane people had superior strength compared to normal people. If u wondered why, what i stated earlier does help to explain cos "insane people in most occassion never hold back and just give all out in something since they hardly or didn't control/hold back their actions at all", and this is why we could never reach the strength level of theirs since we did hold back subconsciously in whatever we do without us realizing at times.

My explanation is quite messy cos its pretty hard to explain in plain words, but what i wanted to point out is that trying to do something is as though as we are trying or trying our best to do something in a safe zone and within our own self conscious control, but trying too hard is like trying to do something using methods that are out of the safe zone, and these methods could bring negative consequences to ourselves or others in some way.

This is why human can be pretty dangerous when they no longer fear death cos they can always "try too hard" to do something which could bring harm to people as they never care about themselves!

Anyway, please bear with me as I could over imagine again. Don't forget to cite me though if you use my example to explain something related to what I said, or else you will be charged of plagarism and Dr. Goh will appear in your dream haha...

Memories...

I was a prisoner harnessed by your smile,
led by your eyes,moved by your touch,
and totally captivated by your being,
but still,we couldn't make it through the storm,

So now that things have changed,
there will always be a special place
you will hold deep in my heart,
and I will cherish in my memories,
the smile in your eyes,
the softness of your lips,
the sensuality in your walk

I guess there will never by any describing,
indescribably you.

Another bad day...

Today supposed to be a good day since one of my lil sister is celebrating her b/day with a bunch of friends. I can see everyone had their own joyful time, so I do felt happy for them especially the birthday girl (though it was a delayed celebration). Sad to say I can't enjoy like them due to my own personal problem with my ex, which is a pretty stupid thing to even happen due to the nature of how it happened. Breaking up when both are concerning for each other defies all the freaking theories and logics in this world, what the hell has the world comes to...

Though it had happened already, but I still couldn't accept the fact things happened that way. I felt even more miserable after having some talks with her both yesterday and today. I for one, really feel worry for her on her present well-being as well as future life. I really hope life can be better for her, and sorry Simon, scold me all you want as I know how this event affected you as well. But I'm really glad to know at least u're always there preparing to help me, and you do start to realize it yesterday why this happened. You will always be my good brother in Singapore.

I guess, now I truly understand what it means by loving someone doesn't necessary mean you need to hold onto them, but to share their happiness and they get well in life. I'm not sure if I will ever regret on agreeing on the break-up, only time will tell...

Moody day...

If you're my current classmates, big chance you will be mislead by the title since today was the released of results of last semester. I'm moody, yes, in fact it's bloody moody, but not because of results (I do admit it plays a small part) since most are nearly as what i predicted, but it was because of a call from someone i concerned a lot.

I won't reveal the content of the call, but nonetheless I was really really affected by it, in fact deeply affected. Just wondering why life had to reach such extent at times, why do nice people had to suffer something they don't deserved at all and why (the million dollar word) has this got to happen. Not sure what to say for now, but I can only hope all is well with her...

And to my fellow classmates, whether you did well or not in the exam, please don't feel too down or happy cos our new semester is already here and there won't be much time to grief/celebrate on something that had passed. Let us work harder this semester and get the grades we wanted to fight for HGPA. Gambateh to all!

New semester begins!

I will be taking quite a number of subjects this short semester (4+2) which is pretty crazy. But dunno for whatever reason, I was rather calm and didn't worry (or maybe it's still too early due to holiday mood haha) about it for now. In fact, I was anticipating this semester a lot, something must be really wrong with me lol...

Got to know my first course outline which has a rather interesting assignment. But 30% for one assignment means it will be very hard to score on it cos it means we really need to have a very very very very very (urgh, imagine how hard it is with my so many "very") wide scope coverage on it. Social Psychology is one subject I "hope" to get good grade due to my limited below average intelligence and poor memory, not to mention it is very hard to score in the other core paper, Biopsychology. Will be finding the best topic for that assignment by tonight, and to my other friends, gambateh on it and don't forget our promises to do our best in this semester.

I will also be getting my exam result tomorrow, and again, I was rather calm, maybe cos already roughly know what score I will get so didn't really worry alot on it, or rather should say "worry also no use la rite"?

There was one funny event which happened earlier today. Breandan asked a few of us to accompany him to 8TV for some shooting. Me, for one, being simple-minded and not bright just agreed since a friend ask me ma. Who knows he told me later we were required to attend a shooting session, not to mention our face will appear on TV! I was like OMG, but since promised already so can't back out :(

It was a good experience anyway, I got to experience new things which is quite funny in some way haha. Tune in on Sunday to watch though I won't say which time slot or programme :P And yea, as if lying is not bad enough, Breandan also didn't give me any debriefing statement after the shooting! Talk about lack of proper ethical and conduct wahaha...

Went to 1U with a friend soon after the shooting to do a new pair of spectacles which cost around rm250. This semester really makes me bankrupt, cos need to pay a rm5000 college fees later on also. Haiz, no money already la, maybe need to sleep on street liao or even work part time as beggar... T_T

Don't forget to donate a rice bowl for me if that day arrive k?

Anyway, I wish all my friends all the best in this new semester. Just try your best but don't force yourself over the limit. Always try to balance your time for both study and play (yea, play is impt, either to release stress or to rest your mind from college stuff) and don't pressure yourself too much.

加油 bah!

Oops, wrong picture!!

Here we go again, 加油bah!

Out whole day!

Lately I'm having difficulty to sleep well, cos I only slept like 4 hours a day on average for the past few days. This makes me very tired considering I slept around 6am earlier and woke up automatically at 9am+.

Went out with the 2 ladies to eat brunch, and went shopping for Qing's stuff afterwards. Guess what, I was actually travelling the whole noon with RM10k, from food court to 1Utama and then to Tesco/Curve! Did feel rather pressured haha, since who is crazy enough to do that, but I didn't have a choice since Qing needed to change her money to RM. But since she didn't change all her RMB to RM, so me, acting as a part-time 007 imitation bodyguard that has no salary, no insurance and in summary, NOTHING I will get after accomplishing my mission, needed to keep the money for her for her while she is doing her shopping.

Went to Sunway to take dinner afterwards, hoping to go Yuen buffet since both of us liked steamboat alot. Forgotten to make a booking since I didn't bring the name card with me, and to our dismay upon reaching there, we saw the place is full at 5pm+! OMG, why did people only acted filial when Mother's Day is here, cos normally there should be place during that time even on Sunday.

Went to opposite of Yuen to eat another steamboat, don't really like the shop cos the dishes are rather crappy, and to add salt to wound, they charged us extra by giving a stupid excuse, "Sorry Sir, but today is Mother's Day". I dunno should i laugh or cry when i hear that lame excuse, anyway was too lazy and tired to argue so just paid and went off. Reached home around 10pm, and need to sleep soon cos new semester starts tomorrow!

Some are rather excited, but some did feel sienz cos that marks the end of our sem break. This semester will be tough, but gambateh to all classmates and friends. Let us strive to do well this semester and all the best! See you guys tomorrow!

What a day!

Wow, today was certainly a busy day! I went window shopping for an MP3 player yesterday and went to Low Yat earlier to buy what was recommended by the online community since there are far too many players out there and I can't make a good choice myself.

Finally bought the SanDisk Sansa Clip 2gb for RM199 and pendrive 2gb for RM29 as I borrowed Ong's pendrive for more than 2 months!! If he were to charge rental for RM 0.50 a day, that would totalled up to more than RM30 haha, but luckily he's kind enough to borrow me without asking anything. Suprisingly, the MP3 is cheaper than what I expected since market price should be near RM230, but the cons is that it took me hours to actually find the best price as well as the one and only shop in Low Yat that actually sell this product! This is how it looks like:

Even though its well worth the time spent, but it reminds me of something "she" said to me earlier this week. "She" commented that I was some kind of perfectionist at times which i truly agree since I am very picky on everything that I do, and this causes me not to try or take up new things easily since I will always want "close to perfection" in all my undertakings, which is bad according to her as this could limit my exposure to new things or experience. I did agree with "her" opinion, and guess I learned something more for now haha. Btw, in case some of you are wondering who is the "she" I'm referring to, I won't really give a damn to tell you haha, but those who knows me will know who she is :P

After buying my MP3, I didn't have the time to test it cause I needed to meet up with Ethel, a friend of mine to go to KLIA to fetch my ex-housemate who is coming back from Beijing. I got to know this ex-housemate of mine during an English class in HELP, and omg, I still can't believe HELP actually requires me to take English classes before enrolling into the current Psychology courses, which is a pure waste of money and time :'(

Me and Ethel reached KLIA around 10:45pm since my ex-housemate, Qing will arrived around 11:00pm. Little did we knew that the staff efficiency is so slow that we waited for around 1 hour before meeting Qing due to poor luggage management and other stuff. Bolehland indeed!

We went to supper afterwards at Murni and chatted and stayed till around 2:00am before going back. Later still need to wake up around 9:00am to have breakfast with those 2 ladies before helping Qing to move her luggage to her new place! That's because all her luggages are actually in my room because she didn't want to take everything back to China and then take everything back to Malaysia. Hey, don't simply think as I'm not those pervert who will scattered her stuffs, even though there are indeed some interesting "things" inside... *evil grin*

Though it's tiring, but it's one happy day since I met back Qing who is a very close friend as well as getting my new MP3 haha.

First posting

This blog was dedicated to someone special which i promised i will made for her.

Life is too unpredictable, i guess thats why our everyday life is full of suprises and you will never get bored of it. Some are good and some are bad, but at the end of the day we will need to cope up with what happened anyway to survive another day rite?

Alot had happened in the past one month, lost something that i treasured but i got to know myself better now, not to mention to plan for a new direction in life. I, however was glad that I had many friends which i could rely on when i need them the most, imagine some are those I never contacted for years and some I only knew for a short period of time, yet our bond still stayed strong and you offered your help willingly without asking anything.

Thanks to everyone that helped me during this difficult, I can't elaborate how much I appreciate all your help and support. I will forever remember our pledge of friendship, and I will definately be there whenever someone needs it.

New semester is starting in two days time, I made a promise that I will try to fulfill, kinda hard though as I will be taking like six subjects. Wish me all the best, and all the best to everyone as well, be it at life or studies alike.