Current Life and Memories...

Life had been a hectic one for me in the past 1 month. Works seemed to be endless, they keep pilling up more and more and I guess I kinda lost my life; many nights without good rest, many hours facing the comp, and there's only work and more work in my brain. Sigh... I guess such life won't stop till the end of this semester since assignments are pilling up for now, not to mention mid-terms are coming.

I didn't feel pressured all these while, but I believed subconsciously I do feel the pressure cos there are times where my mind only think about my work. So much so that sometimes i wake up on my own even when i just had 3-4 hours of sleep. Lack of rest can make a grumpy person, plus the fact that there was one recent event that really gives me a big impact... my ex's dad had just passed away last month when she just recovered from her depression... Sigh...

Whenever I think back of her history of depression, I do feel afraid maybe cos I'm a psychology student myself and I know pretty well how a depress person will think and act. And ya, I do blame myself heavily for being part of the cause of her depression every now and then, mainly because I wasn't there for her when she needs me, and worst still, I didn't even know she had depression till it got pretty serious! Such a lousy bf rite? I guess part of me can't really forgive myself for partially contributing such sickness to her especially now after knowing her dad's news... There is no way I can help her for now cos... I guess she would like to keep a distant between us which is understandable... Sigh, all i can do is to pray she will be fine, and trust her that she will be able to take good care of herself.

I hardly talk about my real feelings to people, dun ask me why. People always see me as a jovial person, and jovial is indeed my nature. Yet there are times when I do feel kinda demotivated due to the lousy ways I handled some of my things. I once told a friend how to let go, but I guess I'm heavily imprisoned by some of my past. Overly strong principles, stubbornness, and some stupid schemas were what the past had shaped me. As much as I tried to change, yet this 'Lucifer' in me will just pop out whenever I start to lose myself sometimes.

Last month I had a very silly heated arguement with my pet sis over some small matter, cos of this. This week again, I had a very big misunderstanding with a close friend of mine due to some of my stupid action due to my principles again. As much as I tried to control, it seemed that there are times where I will just revert back to my old-self without me knowing it consciously. It sux, really sux cos I guess I might have lost 2 very good friends in the period of one month.

I'm not sure if I can remedized the situation, nor I'm not sure if we will still be as close as in the past, but one thing for sure is I would really need to learn to let go my past and memories. Wish me all the best...

Four Letter Word... "SIGH"

I sigh cos how things are so unfair for you...

I sigh at the chain events that keep befalling into a person that don't deserve all such shits...

I sigh cos I can't do anything at all to help your current situation...

I sigh cos I was partly the reason you got your sickness in the past...

I sigh cos I didn't do enough for you in the past...

I sigh...

How cruel can life be? Why must a nice person like you kept experiencing shitty life events. Why? I really can't understand...

Is cruelty such an important essence in life? It could be true to some extend, but how cruel when bad things keep happened on someone that doesn't deserve it? Is this the way of the world? I really can't understand...

I wish there are things that I can do to help your situation, but I really dunno what I can do except sending you regards and asking those I knew to look after you. I wished I can do more, as a close friend, to share some of your burden. I heard you're strong, but please don't try too hard to be strong k?

I really wish to know your situation and hope things are better for you and your family. Lemme know if there is anything I can do for you...

What Lies Ahead?

Another year had passed, and a new one had begun. This means that I'm another year older (duh). Meh, not as though I'm concerned about age, I guess that's something we guys can hoo haa and shout about (sorry girls).

Finally in my final year of my degree course, the weird thing is I'm still not exhausted after these few years of studying. Reason? Cos I hate to study since... sec school? But glad I still didn't lose the passion for psychology hehe, if not sure fail like crazy.

I would always like to do something memorable and extraordinary once in awhile, and guess this will be the year I'll try something new. To catch up with life while learning along the journey and those around me.

Happy New Year to everyone btw.

Holiday

it has been ages since i last updated this blog. assgn, exams, life stuff and jobs keep me busy all this while, and guess i didn't manage to enjoy or spend time during this holiday as how i intended it to be.

so many things had happened in the past 2 months, in fact its quite funny when i looked back at it. nonetheless life is all about moving forward instead of looking back, thus i guess there are times when you have no choice but to put what's in the past behind you. pretty sad though at times considering stupid things do happen no matter how well you try to avoid them, i guess that's all part of learning in life.

regardless of things, i guess this holiday is quite enjoyable due to few things:

a) more $$ opportunity lately and in the near future wahahaha, who won't want them rite?
b) a good plan is up, all it matters is the execution. and yea, the plan is about earning $$$ also lmao.
c) another semester is over, 3 more to go. finally i'm a final year student next sem. can't wait to finish the course though to ease my family's burden.

oh well, being a final year student means i will need to buck up even more. having said that for the past few semester without really bucking up, hopefully i'm 'more' determine this time around. oh well... =/

btw i did have a go at Jogoya last tuesday and honest speaking, that place failed miserably. poor food variation, expensive price tags and a 'discrimination' form of service where only VIP can order certain foods make it a no no buffet place for me in the near future. dont get me wrong, it's a great place if you like sashimi; their fresh big oyster is fresh, nice salmon and other kind of sashimi but that's about what Jogoya is all about. its other food quality wasn't really that fantastic, its haagen dazs ice-cream selection don't have any spectacular flavor, poor food variation with so so taste, and worse of all, its 2 person seater is so crampy. oh well...

but there was one funny thing that happened before me and a friend went to Jogoya. both of us went to the toilet to avoid the hassle of going out to find a toilet in the middle of buffet (better save the time to snap up more foods rite lol). when i'm out of the toilet, i noticed my friend smsed me saying she was stucked inside the toilet and asked me to help her out. but hey, i'm a guy le. takkan i bump into the female's toilet meh rite? later ppl thought i'm some sort of "color wolf" mai ng hou la. luckily she was 'released' by some nice ppl and we had a good laugh. funny things do happen once in awhile.

i'll be back to melaka later tonight tumpang-ing a friend's car. it's been quite awhile since i was last back home and it would be nice to spend a quiet christmas with my family members.

merry christmas and happy new year people, hope next year is a better year for all of you. see you all next year ;)

Farewell and Goodbye

Two years had passed in the split of an eye. I can still remember the day I step into the Intensive English Language Lvl 6 class (pls believe it, I was required to study a very shitty ENGLISH course in HELP before pursuing my degree) and everyone's face is so alien to me back then.

I guess it is still funny to think back how fast we clicked along and become really good friends. I will miss all the jalan-jalan cari makan and steamboat session with you, but at least I'm glad you've completed what you should do here in Malaysia.

All the best in your future undertaking and goodbye.

Umbrella story

The once bright sky has been covered by black cloud. A little girl was walking alone on her home. She quicken her steps and walk even faster to avoid getting wet by the rain. The rain suddenly pours heavily and the girl run to the nearest shelter. She saw an umbrella lying on the ground and decided to pick it up since it belongs to noone.

She uses the umbrella and it covers her all these while under the rain willingly without any complain. Having the hope of finding a good owner, the umbrella does its best in what it does, sheltering the little girl even under the heaviest rain even if it meant of sacrificing itself one way or another.

After running for quite sometime, she stopped at a spot to get some rest while holding the umbrella. She smiled at the umbrella and this makes the umbrella to feels happy thinking it was the hint that a good owner had been found. After awhile, she continues her journey home which is around 1km away.

When she nears home, the rainy day had passed and a rainbow is shining beautifully on the sky. She saw her home, feeling happy and wipe herself dry before going into the house. She suddenly remembers something and make a back turn to the opposite way of the main entrance. Flipping the umbrella, she threw it away on the ground before going back happily into her house. The umbrella, feeling disappointed, lies on the ground to wait for another worthy owner.

Things That Can't Be Forced...

I don't like gardening, but let's take some moment to talk about plants. The goal of gardening is to grow your plant of choice into a big, beautiful and healthy plant. In the process of growing that plant, you will water it, putting fertilizer, putting your plan to face the sun or even spray some pesticides to prevent insects from damaging part of the plant. There are times when your effort pays off and your plant grow up into a big and beautiful pot of... ya, plant. But there are times where the plant simply won't grow and some might even die regardless what you do, how hard you tried and the effort you put into gardening.

I guess that just showed the power of nature; there are things that can't be forced and it will remain the way it is no matter how hard you tried and whatever you do just won't change the simplest of thing. Taking a walk into the park and you will realize that there are plants that will grow by themselves without needing any cultivation.

This makes me think, why don't just let nature take its course?

Poor Self-Regulation

It's been quite sometime since I last updated my blog, was pretty busy with school life (just an excuse ok, not really that busy la). For some weird reason, I love delaying my assignments and finish them off in a short. U can say i like the thrill of completing stuff in the nick of time, and I guess that's why my aha moment always come whenever I do assignment during the last few days.

Yup, such thrill feeling does triggers my brain to work (not the sex thrill pls, dont misunderstood), thus I would say working in an environment where you always need to race against time will suit me best.

But again, to some extent, could I had use this excuse far too many times in delaying my work? By saying doing thing last minute gives me the adreline rush to develop great ideas had given me a reason to delay my work most of the time. Or I guess I was just not discipline enough to work things out according to what I plan (poor self-regulation).

Oh well, I guess we all know our weaknesses, but lack the discipline or courage to face it or change ourselves. Nonetheless, I will try my best to correct this weakness of mine, I've been saying far too long on this issue so I would just let my action speaks. Gambateh to myself wahaha... thx for da support!